This is the second of a five-part series on love, what’ you’ve learned is not okay in love, and why what you’ve learned is wrong.
Attention, love, affection, appreciation – do a body good.
“You shouldn’t care about what others think about you.”
I grew up hearing this, and for the most part, I never did care about what others thought about me. Or so I thought.
But as much as I liked to tell myself I didn’t care, I did.
I remember asking Adam to dance with me in the 6th grade at our first dance and he said no. Me? Brushed it off. No big whoop. Honestly? I was kinda crushed.
And now here I am on Facebook sharing posts like this and guess what?
It matters to me if people “like” my posts, as much as I try to tell myself otherwise.
I understand I’m not everyone’s cup of tea just as not everyone is my cup of tea, but at the end of the day, if you run a business, SOME people need to like you.
Do you like me?
Do I matter to you?
Do you even hear me, or see me?
These are real questions we ask of each other — people we don’t even know in the biz land, right?
Meanwhile – a thousand memes fly by on your Facebook newsfeed that say not to care.
They are valid, but we have to recognize what’s really happening first before we can just change it.
We need to quit the denial. (It’s not like I’m in the 6th grade anymore)
In Brendon Burchard’s The Motivation Manifesto, he writes the following:
He says how we need not be afraid of these things.
The urgency here is to RECOGNIZE first that we are afraid of being rejected, isolated or abandoned, and accept them as very real and legitimate fears to a certain extent.
We, as social creatures, NEED to have a small number of people we can count on, even if it’s just one.
Sadly, more and more people are relying on zero people. Or thousands, on Facebook, which is all well and good…but…do I really need to tell you it’s not the same?
We NEED real connections to be our best. (NOT just the FB lovefest.)
Researchers John Caciopo and William Patrick in their book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection write about how loneliness is deadlier than smoking, obesity or hypertension.
When we are connected with one or a handful of others, THEN we can ditch those fears as business owners.
Let’s recognize them first.
I see my colleagues floundering with this one – holding back from sharing things because no one seems to care, and I have experienced this myself. You know, you throw up some post and get “crickets.”
Perhaps you’ve been there?
It can affect us big time. Makes us not want to post again. But as business owners, we have to keep sharing our message.
But so many get beaten down and stop.
(Remember, tenacity is the name of the game in biz.)
What’s more important than your need to be liked by at least some people out there in biz, is that you have real built in needs to be liked by your partner, or other close other(s) in your life.
You have needs to feel like a priority, to feel appreciated, to feel admired, to feel loved.
To feel like you are your partner’s #1. They deserve to feel that way too.
We’re taught otherwise – we’re taught not to care.
But we can’t not care.
We’re wired to care.
And when we have relationships where we freely admit and share these needs with each other, we tend to get them met.
Then we have strong relationships based on putting each other as our #1 and having the emotional support that we NEED — even though we are conditioned out of thinking we have such needs.
Folks, we have emotional needs. Big time.
When we get those met by our partners, the crickets on Facebook don’t bother us as much, and we’re that much more likely to keep going.
Cheers to thriving in business & love,
Ooooh this is so good!
Jenev Caddell says
Thank you, Caitlin!
Tara Daylami says
Brilliant. Just brilliant, Jenev. Thank you for being a voice of truth, and for bringing us back to what fundamentally matters, has always mattered, and WILL always matter.
Jenev Caddell says
Tara!! You are the best – thanks so much. You know it. I’m just the messenger. So are you. How lucky we are 🙂 Thank you as always xoxo