A question I’ve received more than once is how to build a meaningful relationship.
I answered it in this video:
Basically, I share 3 steps toward building a meaningful relationship.
Naturally, there can be more to it than simply following these steps, but they are an excellent place to start.
Step 1: Recognize that we are social mammals wired to connect, and as human beings, we create meaning in everything we do.
That’s the good news: it’s only natural for us to create meaningful relationships.
Does that make it easy?
But this knowledge is fundamental because it takes the pressure off in some ways.
When we are our most natural, fully human selves, we automatically create meaningful relationships.
Even if it FEELS magic or sometimes impossible to create a meaningful relationship, it’s not.
We must recognize that we are interdependent as a species, which spits in the face of some of the hype about the glories of independence and autonomy.
The truth of the matter is that we can be stronger and more independent when we do have these meaningful relationships that involve a certain kind of healthy dependency.
Which leads me to the next step:
Step 2: Get emotionally honest and acknowledge your needs
Despite the hype I referenced above that tells you that you should not need others, that you should be okay on your own, or that you’re “co-dependent,” too clingy or needy if you look to others to help us get certain needs met, the truth of the matter is simply:
We need others to get certain needs met.
Once we can just accept the fact that we have needs that sometimes can only be met by people outside of us, we are more likely to adeptly ask for such needs to be met, and to get them met.
This requires emotional fluency and honesty.
In a society in which emotional intelligence has historically been seen as “lesser” to our cognitive intellect, emotional fluency and honesty don’t necessarily come easily.
There is nothing unsophisticated about our emotions, however, they make us who we are. Further, they are the language of relationships.
Yet emotions are so often shut down, smothered, repressed or tossed out as “irrational” or something to outsmart. But we can’t outsmart them.
So getting really emotionally honest doesn’t necessarily come easily.
We learn how to be in our relationships through our experience, and for many people, our experiences in relationships haven’t been very positive.
Which leads me to the third step:
Step 3: Take a look at your own blocks, patterns and pitfalls in love
Ever wonder why you might be falling for the same kind of people over and over again?
Whether they’re abusive, lying or just plain emotionally absent, pay attention if you notice a theme.
To create a truly meaningful relationship, you need to uproot any blocks you have in the way of doing so. These blocks often present as common patterns that might repeat over and over again.
Here’s the truth:
You don’t need a boob job.
You don’t need a face lift.
You don’t need years of therapy to change who you are.
Rather, the opposite;
You simply need to be more of yourself.
Sometimes, that requires getting rid of the onion layers (erroneous stories you’re telling yourself about you and others, limiting beliefs you have about you and others, etc.) around your core that you’ve accumulated along the way to protect you.
Let your inner unique beautiful essence that you and you alone can bring to the world out and share that with someone.
Simply be yourself with someone.
Be emotionally honest and share your truth.
Be emotionally honest and open to someone else’s.
That? Will gift you a meaningful relationship.
If you want more help in doing so, grab my FREE workbook and audio guide where I walk you through 5 shifts you need to make to create true love, even if you think you can’t.
Click here for immediate access to this guide or simply fill out the form below!
Are these 3 steps helpful? Learn anything new?
Let me know in the comments below.
To your best and most meaningful relationships,