Relationships. Life. Love. Work. Play.
What happens when you don’t feel anything?
If you walk around comfortably numb, chances are, you might be protecting yourself from something.
If your history with others has been less than ideal, maybe you have a history of abuse or trauma of some kind, numbness can feel safer than what’s underneath.
Yet numbness leaves you looking for something more.
No one wants to be in the world totally numb.
So what can you do?
Let’s start here:
Know your tendencies, habits and patterns.
What have you done to deal with this numbness?
Has it helped?
Sometimes, for someone who has experienced interpersonal trauma (and most trauma is interpersonal — whether it’s about a tragic event and someone wasn’t there for you, or someone did something horrible TO you), pleasure and pain can get all mixed up in your brain.
You can’t have one without the other.
So it might feel like it takes pain to feel alive.
Think: Cutting, self-mutilation, substances, destructive actions, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS.
You recreate the patterns that have felt familiar to you in an attempt to get your needs met but ultimately you’re headed down a dead end.
I have some other options to suggest instead:
Mindfulness meditation. Practice curious, loving, open self-awareness.
Physical exercise. If you want to feel pain that’s productive, you can push yourself here.
Music or sound therapy.
Take better care of yourself.
Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping).
Doing something in your BODY can help you start to get back in touch with yourself, so get in your body, start to feel what you can, and make yourself at home, you’ll be there awhile.
More than anything else, FIND SOMEONE TO HELP YOU.
We are not here to do life alone. Primates are creatures wired to connect. It’s part of WHO WE ARE and WHAT MAKES US MAMMAL.
There’s a reason why solitary confinement is the worst punishment ever in prison (you’d go bat shit insane isolated…)
And because most trauma is interpersonal, most trauma is HEALED interpersonally.
LOVE is the answer.
Always has been, always will be.
But without a roadmap or guide within your own emotional terrain as well as a map of how love really works (yes, there is a science to it), you’ll wind up on the same cul-de-sac/rotary/round-about (depending on where you’re from).
My suggestion then is to find someone to help you sort through your stuff, gain that self-awareness, understand your own emotional terrain and provides the necessary scaffolding for you as you venture into new territory or scale up higher your life.
LOVE can be a terrifying area because our brains register an emotional disconnect from another as a literal THREAT. Life and death.
So, it feels safer to either stay numb and resigned to not having love or more thrilling to stay on the toxic relationship merry-go-round.
Take a step back, understand yourself, and start challenging yourself to create something new.
You are not broken. You are not destined for a life of numb disconnect.
A solid and nurturing relationship where you feel connected, valued and cherished can be yours, without the pain, without the heartache and without the cold.
Let me know in the comments what YOU do to break through the numbness.
Cheers to thriving in business and love,
P.S. Are you manifesting true love? Register HERE for my free training, “Why A Vision Board Isn’t Enough, And What You Really Need to Create True Love.”
Tara Daylami says
To break through the numbness, I hang out with animals. They always have something to teach me because they are always connected to who they are. In fact — to paraphrase Eckhart Tolle — animals know no other way to live except with dignity and truth.
And because who they are is also who I am (I believe we all came here for the same purpose) they help me bust through the numbness and get back to my truth (i.e. my feelings) as well.
Jenev Caddell says
I love this, Tara! Animals are amazing – especially social mammals, they know how to connect big time, to themselves and then to us so that we can do so for ourselves. Maybe not some snarky cats, but even they can do this. Thanks for sharing this.
Tara Daylami says
Yes — even those snarky cats!! They’re super sensitive and sensing creatures. Thanks so much, Jenev. It warms my heart to no end when someone gets and appreciates animals for the amazing creatures that they are.
Jenev Caddell says
It’s so true though — animals get it. Often moreso than humans because they haven’t been conditioned NOT to like so many of us!