Want relationship trouble?
Today we’ll be talking about one thing that if you fail to do will pretty much guarantee you relationship trouble.
Here’s what it is:
Asking for what you want.
If you don’t make clear what your needs or wants are, there is no way your partner will know what they are.
No one thinks exactly like you, not even your partner.
We all take that for granted a little – like the fish who doesn’t recognize the water in which he swims.
Just because you think a certain way doesn’t mean your partner does.
Maybe you’ve learned that the hard way.
Maybe you’ve had expectations that were totally let down because your partner didn’t approach something the way you would have.
Here’s an example:
You want a big surprise birthday but your partner sees that sort of thing as the seventh ring of hell.
Your birthday rolls around and you get a quiet day with your partner. Great, brunch.
Thoughtful and sweet, but at the same time, inconsiderate and missing the boat. You just want to be surprised by your friends and have a big old social time. Your partner seems to have “tried,” but totally failed.
And you feel like a jerk for being so ungrateful and disappointed.
But the question you must ask yourself is:
Was I clear in asking for what I truly wanted?
If you weren’t crystal clear, you only have yourself to blame.
Your partner is not a mind reader.
None of us, except of course for the best psychics among us, are mind readers.
The more explicit you can make your needs and wants, the more likely you will get them met.
Don’t question yourself.
It’s okay to have needs and wants – we all do. Worst case scenario is that you won’t get them met. But you’re a hell of a lot more likely to get them met if you can actually take the risk of putting them out there.
This goes for life in general, and certainly also with your partner.
As Wayne Gretzky said,
You miss 100% of the shots you never take
So be honest.
Ask for what you need.
Ask for what you want.
…you’re setting yourself up for a whole lot of relationship trouble.
Cheers to your best relationship,