You likely want success in love.
It’s something that feels good. It’s something we’re meant for. It’s part of being human, to enjoy more love in our lives and in our hearts. And, thanks to science, we know love is really good for us.
The Case for Marriage is a book that demonstrates how marriage really is great for us, and since its writing the research continues to grow that shows how valuable a quality relationship is (such as this more recent New York Times article that reviews some research on how a strong marriage can help you survive a stroke.)
So how do we actually have success in love?
First, we must define what success in love is.
Thanks to a few pioneers in the field of love and romantic relationships, especially psychologist, researcher, author and educator, Dr. Sue Johnson, love – and how to experience success in love – is finally understood.
The old story about how it was mystery, something you fall in and out of, something you either get to enjoy in this lifetime or not, has recently been rewritten.
Not everyone has gotten the memo.
But if you want to understand this integral part of your life – as important as the food you consume and your career, if not moreso – the good news is that you can.
Success in love is about a secure emotional bond.
Knowing you’re a priority to someone else. That you matter. And them knowing they’re a priority to you.
We are talking about the essence of who you are at your very core.
The truth is, that essence is masked for so many people. Even to themselves.
It’s no wonder why so many people fall into trouble in love.
The dark and sometimes secretive cloaks of shame, unworthiness or remnants of feeling unlovable overshadow so many people’s lives and loves and as a result, one’s essence becomes hidden from themselves.
You don’t dare ask for more for yourself and feel lucky and perhaps even guilty or unworthy to have all of the love that you do.
So you turn away from what’s truly important to you because you fake feeling fully happy with what you have.
You’re being fed on the regular about what you’re SUPPOSED to do anyway.
And perhaps you’re afraid of what others think about you, because it’s how we’re wired and we value each other so much (all the while so many pretend not to).
The real task is to get real honest and clear with yourself and then share THAT with another, with others, with the world.
To take a stand for yourself. What’s meaningful to you.
For success in love (or anything), you must take your blinders off.
Your partner may matter so much to you that you are willing to sacrifice for them.
That is beautiful.
But you mustn’t sacrifice unconsciously.
So often two well-meaning people with huge hearts and huge brains and a great deal of love for one another will arrive in my office so distant from each other, so scared, feeling so helpless and lost.
The problem is that they lost themselves.
They went into default mode of a life on autopilot without taking a break, stepping outside of their lives for a minute to look in, to ask – how can this keep getting better?
What do I need?
What do you need?
It requires a brave courageous look, taking your blinders off.
Instead of automatically, insidiously and incrementally stomaching more discomfort that not being true to yourself and those EXTRA things that you might need to truly live a fulfilled life, take the risk of asking for more.
It requires a great deal of vulnerability because if you’re really stretching with your ask there’s an inherent risk.
Instead of hesitating to rock the boat, get to know yourself well enough to discover what YOU need.
Discover where you have been on autopilot letting inherited patterns and limiting beliefs rule your show, so that you can change up the story and live your happily ever after (seriously).
For success in love, you must take off the blinders!
A strong and secure partnership is one of those things you know you need, but that is built from emotional honesty, truth and expression.
And in my opinion, for a truly fulfilled life and love, that is built from a perpetual asking for more of yourself and your partner, while of course being so grateful and appreciative of all you have.
To your success in love,
P.S. Are you ready to have your most successful year in love yet? Revolutionize Your Love is the program that shows you what love is all about and is the tool YOU need to take your blinders off so that you can understand yourself and patterns you may be living out that are between you and your most fulfilled love.
With a supportive community and twice monthly LIVE calls with me, just do the work, and you’ll understand yourself in a totally new and profound way that will set you up for your most success in love, whether you are in a relationship or not.