So many busy couples wind up in distress and disconnected from each other because everything else is a priority but their relationship.
As an NYC psychologist,
I often wind up seeing couples who have lost each other in the chaos of the rest of life. Work, kids, school, even friends – people are weighed down by so many outside factors and “obligations,” and get into trouble when they neglect the importance of their relationships. This is especially true for professionals during “crunch” times when work and life becomes especially crazy and it feels like you’re doing everything just to keep your head above water.
When people first fall in love, they spend all kinds of time with each other and enjoy it. Other things fall to the wayside – you might stay up all night with each other, call out sick from work, and it’s like the other person becomes your entire universe.
Eventually, we all know that even the hottest of relationships eventually becomes old hat.
Reality returns, calling out sick from work is reserved mostly for when you actually are sick, and if you’re up late it’s because you’re out with friends, have a cranky baby or you’re doing work. Couples wind up living together, going about their lives, and their relationships take a back seat to everything else they have going on.
Here’s the thing:
If you don’t prioritize your relationship in addition to everything else you have going on, you are putting it at risk. But as a busy professional working full-time or more, how are you supposed to keep your connection alive with your partner?
Here are 5 simple rituals you can add to your life without having to set aside hours to try to stay connected during the busiest times in your life. Put one or of these rituals on autopilot for those busy times in your life instead of neglecting each other until you get a chance to breathe again and enjoy each other even more.
- Sex – OK this is obvious. But people forget to have sex – you get home late from work, you’re tired, whatever. Don’t let your sex life slip away because of anything else. If you’re both not unsatisfied, one of you will be, even if you don’t want to admit it. Don’t be one of those couples who don’t have sex for months at a time. I’ve once heard the quote that when sex isn’t a problem for a couple, it constitutes 5% of their relationship. When it is a problem, it becomes 95% of their relationship. Keep it within that 5%! It’s good for you and it’s good for your relationship.
- Hot Bev – Enjoy a hot beverage with each other! Coffee, cocoa, tea – pick your poison. But do this every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes in the morning. Make it a daily habit and it will give you a chance to connect even if briefly.
- Daily Phone Call – Find the time. You have to eat, go to the bathroom, you can also find the time to reach out to your partner. You both are probably pretty busy so schedule it if you have to. Use a calendar system on your phone and stay consistent! Just checking in with each other can bridge some distance.
- Leave a Note – If you have varying schedules and can’t spend any amount of time with each other in the morning, leave each other notes. It takes 3 minutes to jot down something and leave it for your partner. Who doesn’t like getting handwritten love notes?
- Shower Together – It’s just efficient! Seriously – you can save time and enjoy each other’s company, even if it’s all business. Think of all the water you’ll save. Go green and enjoy a daily shower with your love.
As promised, there are your 5 quick ‘n ‘easy ways for you to stay connected to your partner during especially chaotic times in your busy life. Stay consistent and automate them in your life so they’re as much a part of your routine as brushing your teeth.
When you’re doing any one of these rituals, try to stay distraction free, or else they’ll be worthless. Put Facebook away.
Be mindful, present and really be with your partner, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Obviously these rituals won’t be the glue that binds the two of you, but they’re better to employ than doing nothing and losing sight of each other when you have no other choice but to let other stuff take over your life.
What do you do with your partner to keep your connection strong?
Leave your comments below!
Cheers to your best relationship,