As one esteemed colleague commented on my business Facebook wall, I am a celebrity.
I was on the radio this week!
I spoke about 3 key ingredients to a healthy relationship and how to achieve them.
Hosted by sex coaches Allie Theiss and Scarlet Wylde, “The Passion Zone” is a radio show to help people with their sex lives and relationships.
My talk was mostly about principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy and the new science of love.
It was interesting to talk about Emotionally Focused Therapy and the new science of love on a sex show.
For the longest time, thanks to Dr. Sigmund Freud himself, people have believed that the main drivers of human behavior are sex and aggression.
The new science of love, however, teaches us that our chief aim in life is to seek out and establish safe and secure emotional connections.
Sex and aggression both have fallen off the pedestal in terms of what is considered to be most important to humans for survival, although of course they are still high up there.
Here’s the thing about sex:
It can be a big problem for people if it’s not going well.
I’ve heard a quote before that if sex isn’t a problem in a long-term committed relationship, it comprises about 5% of the relationship. But if sex is a problem, it comprises closer to 95% of the relationship.
I’m not saying sex isn’t important.
I am saying it’s not as important as the quality of the emotional bond that you have with your partner, and that the quality of your sex life depends mostly upon the strength of that emotional bond.
And sex certainly contributes to the strength of that bond.
Sex problems in long-term relationships
When there are experiencing sex problems in long-term relationships, it can be about a number of issues.
I’m not a sex therapist and honestly can’t tell you all of the physical conditions that might exist to prevent people from having a good sex life.
I am a psychologist, though, and know a thing or two about how people’s cognitive and emotional experiences impact their lives and their relationships.
Most problems with sex are usually because of other underlying problems in the relationship, anxiety, depression or a history of trauma.
The best way to resolve these issues is together
Use the 3 ingredients for a healthy relationship to figure it out together.
Let me know how you liked it. Shall I get on the air more often?
I’d love your feedback!
Cheers to your best relationship,