Admittedly, I’ve given a lot of advice over the years that I should be taking myself.
Even while writing this post, I noticed myself getting jumpy: Hopping on over to check my email, for example. I know better, that multi-tasking does nothing but waste my time and brain energy.
I’ve advised people, from college students struggling to study to business owners trying to crank some project out, that when they are doing something, they need to really just be present and do that thing.
And there I go checking my email, getting derailed.
One of my favorite go-to suggestions for people struggling with anything from anxiety to relationship problems is to practice mindfulness – and even better – to actually meditate.
And yet, I have had a bit of a love/hate relationship with meditation and sitting still over the past 10+ years myself.
I’d much rather bang out a run or do something active. But that kind of defeats the purpose.
Stopping the chaos of your life and just being present in it and still is what so many of us, self-included, need more of.
The kind of couples work that I do really is all about having people be emotionally present with each other.
The thing is, partners emotionally regulate – and dysregulate – each other, without even realizing it.
What that means is that the emotions of people in close relationships feed off each other. We are constantly emotionally communicating with each other, most often in more powerful ways than when we are even speaking to each other. Read my post on emotional contagion to learn more about what I’m talking about.
Sometimes, a perceived negative emotion from one partner can spark a negative feeling in another and a very ugly chain reaction of disconnect from self and other occurs as a result.
To fully be present with each other, and not caught in the whirlwind of emotional misunderstanding and dysregulation that so many couples find themselves in, we need to start by being fully present with ourselves.
When I do my work with couples by slowing down and initially being truly present with each partner individually, he or she is then present with himself or herself. As a result, partners can then be present with each other. That’s when their connection deepens, they start to understand each other, and the real magic happens.
A quiet 10 minutes of meditation a day can help you get present.
Cutting through the chatter and really tapping into what’s going on with yourself for just a few moments a day strengthens those grounding muscles for the rest of the day as well, much like doing push-ups will strengthen your arms.
And yet I’ll be honest: I’ve resisted it.
Push-ups are a lot easier for me because it feels like I’m actually doing something.
Thankfully, I know how to exit those spirals of disconnect that might crop up between my man and I (you would hope so, right?!), but I know meditation and even better self-care are the missing pieces for me to be my absolute best – not only in love, but in my business and as a parent.
When we can be quiet and still, we can tap into something much greater than ourselves.
So when I slow down and lean back and trust that everything I need is within me, or at least that I’m connected to something greater than what I consider to be me, all of the pieces about business that I don’t love as much as the work that I do with my clients come more effortlessly and naturally.
Tap into yourself to not only know yourself, but to reach deeper within yourself for the answers you need.
And if you’re a little challenged to sit still like me, try on these training wheels that someone recently shared with me, and let me know what you think:
Try it – I dare you. If you’re anything like me, you may feel silly, but surrender to it and let me know how it goes.
Leave me your comments below.
Cheers to thriving in business & love,