Welcome to RelationTip Tuesday!
This video is for my single viewers. What is it that you should work on with yourself before finding your partner? Press play to find out!
What “I need to” hangup are going to let go of?
Let me know in the comments below.
Cheers to thriving in business and love,
Hi Jenev, I just wanted to say that I LOVE this. Although I’ve been in a relationship for many years now, I can recall many times in my life when I was single and would often hear things along the lines of how great it is, that I should take this time and really work on myself, figure out what my issues are, etc., and it always really bothered — not only because working on myself is something I actively do and wholeheartedly believe in anyway (relationship or no relationship), but also because it implies that somehow the reason these people are in a relationship is because they’ve finally gotten to a place where they are issue-free and, therefore, relationship-ready. I have even heard this from fellow therapists (is it too much to expect that this lot of people know better then to think that we ever stop growing or can ever complete resolving all our “issues?”) They don’t come right out and say that they have no issues, some just imply it with the words, the tone, and advice they offer. And the message usually offered for anyone who’s still single? Well, it must be because you just haven’t figured it out, haven’t resolved your issues yet, need more time alone to really figure out who you are and what you want, and my favorite (that’s sarcasm) piece of advice, because you need to be OK being alone before you can be happy in a relationship. Although I do think there’s some truth to this, it’s the condescending manner in which the advice is usually given that really irks me (then again, perhaps it’s just me being sensitive, I’m not sure) as well as the implication that you have to learn to be TOTALLY OK, even ecstatic, about being alone before you can be happy in a relationship, which really feels to me like a set-up for people to feel badly about themselves — as if there’s something fundamentally wrong with the yearning most of us have to actually be in a committed relationship, and if we can’t get rid of that yearning we must not be fully healthy, functioning people. (Clearly I’ve got some feelings about this stuff!) Anyway, thanks so much for the post. Such a breath of fresh air!
Yay! So glad this resonated, Tara.
And guess what? Even though I think we can totally be happy alone, and I’ve been happy alone, I’m MUCH HAPPIER being in a strong relationship with my man. We aren’t built to be in this world alone. I realize that sometimes people take this too far and their “need” to connect replaces being true to themselves, etc, which is never good, but I think we are waaaay too focused on this whole “independence” thing, when simply, it’s not how we’re made. As Sue Johnson says, in so many words, we can be even more independent when we’re safely and effectively dependent on another. Thank you so much for this comment.