Love and business are quite similar.
Whether it’s a new boyfriend or new business coach that you’re looking to add to your life, it’s important to be clear on why you’re interested, and whether you’re taken in by the sizzle or the substance.
Make sure you’ve got substance with the sizzle
I have worked with countless women who have been lured by the sizzle of charming, charismatic, attractive and exciting potential mates. Upon meeting them, they feel the flame burning hot, the chemistry and passion high and the fireworks exploding. These are the same women who are crying on the couch months later, realizing that they fell for a narcissist or even worse, a sociopath.
Admittedly, I have fallen for the sizzle of many business coaching offerings that exist as well. Just because something is high priced and might guarantee the ultimate solution to your business problems is no guarantee that it will. It might actually be more of a guarantee that it won’t!
Of course, there is a place for sizzle in love and business. We all desire to feel excited on some level, and sizzle can go a long way in creating that excitement. Sometimes you can be the best kept secret in business if you don’t employ some sizzle into your work, and you might miss the very solutions that you need because they are simply unattractive and sizzle-less. But beware if you’re seeing all sizzle and no substance.
Here are 3 red flags and how to see behind them to ensure that you’re not just falling for the sizzle sans substance:
1. Chemistry and excitement
First piece of advice here: Know thyself. Have you gotten swindled by someone before? Are you easily sold to, whether from a potential mate, coach or other person making some kind of deal you can’t resist? We are all emotional buyers to a certain extent, and of course, this is true nowhere more than in relationships.
If the answer to these questions is “yes,” watch yourself when you start feeling really excited about something. I’m not saying the excitement is all bad, but ask yourself what it is that you are excited by. The promise of something great? Okay…how realistic is it?
You probably know by now that I’m all about the importance of emotions, and on a very basic level they are more integral to our survival as a species than our cognition. Sometimes, however, they can lead us astray. There is a place for our intellect as well. Skepticism is not always a bad thing. And of course, if you’re starting to date someone new or work with a new business coach, you should be excited.
But how off the charts is your exultation? Does it feel too good to be true? Maybe it is…give it a little while to see.
Partners who have found themselves in chronic patterns of bad relationships often feel a surge of excitement and chemistry with the person they should be running like hell from. I often tell them, if the chemistry is a 10 on a scale of 1-10, go the other way.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but if you have a history of bad or even traumatic relationships, the “10” usually feels most like home, and home isn’t necessarily what you’re looking for. You’re probably better off with a 7. You’re still excited, but yet you remain grounded in reality. The same goes for your next business project, partner or coach.
True love and great work typically get better with time. Brain scans of happy long-term committed couples have shown that their brains resemble those who are first in love, and yet their emotional bonds are deeper and stronger due to a shared life experience and growth that they have experienced together.
One solution here not to get sucked in by the excitement of someone or something is to give it time. Feel it out. Don’t be quick to get hooked by someone, but watch them and see if the excitement builds or fades over time.
Partners have come to me questioning whether they were “meant to be together” because they don’t have this “10” rating for chemistry, as media portrays that we “should.” They enjoy each other, love each other deeply, are attracted to each other and do have some chemistry, but they’re worried because it’s not off the charts. Let me assure you: The chemistry doesn’t have to be off the charts, and sometimes, it shouldn’t be!
2. Charm, charisma and attraction
There is nothing wrong with charm, charisma and attraction, unless they are all that you get. Make sure not to get sucked in by this trifecta without looking at the layers underneath. Too many people do, whether it is in love or in business.
Instead of being taken in by charm, charisma and attraction, look at these qualities as potential danger signs, and think of them as reasons to keep looking. Again, give someone time to let them reveal the substance to you. Their charm and charisma and the attraction you might feel for them can be lovely, but make sure there is something more to it.
3. Big promises, too much too soon
Be wary of big promises. Just because you’re someone who is honest doesn’t mean everyone else is. Often, I hear of someone who is on a second date with someone and she is already hearing about a future together. This is dangerous!
Similarly, be wary of the coach who has the plug and play solution or cash machine to generate you half a million dollars a month, next month, in three easy steps. Stay true to yourself and your knowledge that is likely unrealistic.
While I don’t deny the existence of love at first sight or the possibility that businesses can take off really quickly, let’s be cautious about falling into the trap of believing in overnight successes.
Quantum leaps are possible in business and love, and sizzle is important, but not without the substance, and most often, time and effort.
What are your thoughts on substance and sizzle?
How do they impact your business and relationship, or those around you? Let me know your comments below.
Cheers to thriving in business and love, with a whole lot of substance and a sprinkle of sizzle,