No one wants to hear “it’s all working out for the best” when you feel alone, disappointed, betrayed, misunderstood, not listened to or disrespected in your relationship.
When you feel like the rug’s been pulled out from underneath you because you caught your partner cheating, or like a knife has been stabbed through your heart.
Or maybe there’s this chronic dissatisfaction from a distance that’s been arising between you for years…
“Things happen for a reason,” isn’t what you need to hear.
When someone tells you, “you create your own reality”, you might find yourself fantasizing about creating a fairly ugly reality for that person.
Here’s the truth:
Just as your emotions are your guidance system, when there is a great distress in your relationship, its purpose is to do one of two things for your relationship:
A.) Show you that this is not the right partner for you, and dissolve your relationship, teaching you a lesson in the process
B.) Help you create a stronger, reorganized and more sophisticated relationship
Many times a couple will come to see me and one partner will beat themselves up for being so distressed and unable to contain their emotions.
“If I could only just deal with this better.”
“I know I shouldn’t make it such a big deal.”
Here’s what I say to that: Nonsense.
Our emotions often hold more wisdom than our thoughts. According to the psychologist O. Hobart Mowrer: “the emotions are, it seems, themselves a higher order of intelligence.” They are there to give us important messages.
I actually applaud that person for not being ABLE to turn a blind eye to their emotions, even if they had been trying to, as so many of us are encouraged to do.
Within the system of a relationship, the person who is more sensitive to this issue is often the catalyst of change when things are heading south, which is a GOOD thing.
Without that fire alarm going off, the fire has more time to burn down the house.
When there’s a problem, it takes courage to admit it.
It takes even more bravery to get help for it from a third party.
It takes a tremendous amount of strength to get assistance for something that is SO CENTRAL to your life and how you operate in the world: Your relationship.
If you are experiencing distress in your relationship, it’s just a sign that THINGS CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER in your life.
Your relationship needs to improve.
What is not aligned between you and your partner?
Where are you guys missing each other?
Where are you not being emotionally honest with yourself?
This is not something CONSCIOUS that either of you are likely doing, but because so many people haven’t been brought up in a way that encourages, validates and nurtures emotional honesty, so many people have gotten out of touch with themselves.
It’s no wonder why so many people haven’t gotten this relationship thing down.
If you’re experiencing relationship distress, I want you to recognize that it’s just a sign that things can be so much better.
Please also recognize that you are far from alone.
Even though people walk around as if they have perfect lives, many don’t know how to get this central part right. AND, they take for granted that things are just going to be subpar, because it’s all they have known.
I promise you, if it is subpar, it can be so much better.
We are interconnected, interdependent, and relationships are central to EVERYTHING we do.
Figure out how to get relationships right and I promise your life will be so much more enjoyable, easier and healthy.
If you are experiencing distress, this is a call to action for you to FIX THIS NOW.
There is a roadmap, there is path, there is a way to get this right. It is backed by scientific research and a proven system that helps bridge the gap between two people.
As humans, we are not as complicated as we like to think of ourselves.
We all have the same biological and emotional needs.
When we learn how to get them met (and they DO require other people!) and to help meet the needs of others without losing ourselves in the process, life becomes so much easier.
It doesn’t have to take years of mistakes and bad choices to get this part right, even though it does for so many people. Sometimes in vain.
My request to you if you are experiencing heartache within your relationship is to find the gold.
Thank the distress.
And use it as a catalyst to finally figure this part of your life out so that you can start to feel more free, brave and strong.
Let me know if I can help.
I work with people both in acute relationship distress or on the verge of divorce, as well as those with more chronic dissatisfaction. If I’m not the right person who can help you, I will do my best to point you in the right direction and give you resources to take care of this most central and critical aspect of your life.
Just email me – firstname.lastname@example.org – and we’ll set up a time to connect.
Cheers to thriving in business and love,