I’ve been a somewhat obsessed with possibility and potential for most of my life.
When I became a parent it became a bit about more about survival than any kind of peak potential.
When I’m not being as much of a “go-getter” as I maybe thought I “should be” at one point in my life (or wanted to be) because I purposefully (try to) shut off work stuff to be with my family, I remind myself that our relationships are everything, and this is the premise that I built my business around.
So it’s not only okay that I’m not being hyper driven, but it’s necessary to me that I walk the talk and focus on the ones around me outside of my business.
Then I get worried that maybe I’m not being a good enough parent, present enough, that I work too much…or am not productive enough when I do work.
And all of this mental chatter happens in less than a second!
Which is fine, because I can catch it, and toss all of it (at least in the moment before it sneaks up again and tries to catch me off guard).
I know better — all of that self-doubt and questioning is a massive energy leak that I don’t need, and doesn’t do anyone any good anyway.
I know I’ve got the basics covered with my kids and my work and that’s a lot to be grateful for.
It’s all a work in progress, far far far from perfect, and it will never be done. I’ve got a lot to learn and habits to improve upon.
It’s all okay though.
I’m not alone. And that helps, a lot.
Even knowing all this stuff, however, I still struggle with the idea that I’m not doing enough.
Thankfully, I have another voice in my head that convinces me otherwise, but I know so many people who don’t.
So they keep hustling and reaching and driving themselves — sometimes at the expense of their relationships. At the expense of their families. At the expense of their health and at the expense of their happiness. Ironically, this can also happen at the expense of success itself, the very thing they are going for.
That kind of behavior is rewarded and validated so it makes total sense why we go there sometimes.
Yet it can be painful and so destructive.
The quest to never settle becomes an unending escape into something else that is completely elusive and never reachable.
You’ll never be satisfied when you reach whatever goals you set because the bar will always move up.
The paradox then is about the necessity to accept and cherish where you are, and be totally present for that, with yourself and with others, despite your innate drive for more because let’s face it — we both know you’ll never be satisfied with any kind of stagnation.
You’ve got to be able to just stand still and BE for a moment.
For someone whose success has been built from DOING so much, to just BE can be a challenge.
But it’s what’s necessary to live in the space that really matters — the real present — outside of yourself as you know it for a moment and in the connection. The space between.
That’s where flow happens.
That’s where maximum productivity is born.
That’s what we are in need of.
The missing link between success and fulfillment is connection.
The ability to be present, truly present, for yourself and others.
You must wield your double edged sword of high standards gracefully so that you can continue to slice off mediocrity without hacking away your self worth, sense of competence or acceptance of self or others.
When you’re receptive and allow yourself to be influenced, so much magic can happen.
Even if it sometimes feels that Sartre was right and hell is other people, they are also our greatest gifts.
It’s a tricky balance, but one any high achiever needs to attend to.
A great place to start on your own- backed by the research across the board- is a simple mindfulness practice. This means being present and aware from a place of non-judgment, openness, acceptance and curiosity.
This will help you be more self-aware, familiar with your own emotional experience and likely be more compassionate and open to others. It primes you to thrive in that space “in between” your concept of yourself and other that can be any control freak’s nightmare. We could all use more of this in our lives (self included).
Another great place to go is to someone else.
That’s one point of this “in between” space and where so much magic can happen.
If there’s any area of your life that’s not going as well as you’d like it to, get some support.
Be open to collaboration and assistance from others.
Get outside perspective. Be influenced.
In other words, get professional help.
A therapist, coach, strategist, healer, kinesiologist, acupuncturist, personal trainer — whatever you’re stuck with, there is likely someone who specializes in helping you create momentum and movement in a different direction.
A little focused effort with intention can go a long way.
Add another person to the mix and you’ll go that much further.
It might be more of a risk, but it’s also way more rewarding in that “in between” space.
To your success + fulfillment,
P.S. If you’re hell bent on creating your most successful AND fulfilling life and find yourself resonating with any of the high performer’s traps I referenced above, and are ready to slow down time, embrace your life more fully and positively shape and deepen your connections with your highest self and others, and are interested in getting some assistance with that, let’s talk.
Click here to schedule a consult with me to see how we might be able to create some magic together so you can enjoy an even richer and more fulfilling life than you have already created.