Our brains have this habit of preparing us for the worst.
It’s how we’ve survived and evolved over the years. If we can anticipate the danger, we’ll be better prepared for it. Then? We survive as a species.
Anxiety and fear can be on overdrive for some of us but they actually DO serve a purpose when in the right dosage:
To keep us alive!
Lots of times, though, we don’t even question our tendency to anticipate the worst. We just create and live in a MUCH more negative reality around us than we need to.
Take me, for example, as I’m looking for an office space in town. I seriously don’t need more than one day/week in person office, as I’m busy enough without starting a local therapy practice, but at the same time, I would like to establish a local presence and have a space to see people in person when needed here in the Granite State where we live free or die.
To sublet someone’s office once a week in NYC is easy, but I wasn’t finding that here. So I stopped looking, I didn’t have a lot of time for it, it wasn’t a priority. I didn’t need to shell out a full-time rent for a space that I’d be using once a week.
Fast forward into taking a closer look? You know, into REALITY?
There are tons of offices well within my reach, and yes, part-time offices definitely exist.
Now, obviously if it were important enough to me to find an office when I thought about it awhile back, I would have sought more “truth” about it, but it wasn’t even an option in my head because of some kind of implicit belief I hadn’t uncovered about what it would entail to find a space here.
You’re probably questioning what this has to do with your relationship, your business, your life or anything else.
In your relationship, you might be likely to misinterpret your partner’s blank stare as one of disdain.
Just today I had something in my eye and must have rolled them both, and my husband asked why I was rolling my eyes at him. Good thing he asked.
Or in business, if that prospective client doesn’t hire you when you have that initial consult, you might question and doubt yourself, when really, they didn’t hire you for some unrelated reason.
I spoke with a couple years ago and they didn’t hire me. It stung. I remember being so confused why not, because it was so clear how I could help them and I thought I made that explicit. Why didn’t they hire me? I must have blown it or fundamentally not been enough on some level, or so I thought.
Years later? I was made aware that the conversation we had was a game changer for them, in a good way, and changed the trajectory of their marriage. (Sometimes a slight shift in awareness and a willingness to get help goes a long way…)
My advice to you:
Stop believing your negative stories.
Find the evidence not only FOR them (which you may be effortlessly doing), but start finding the evidence against them.
You’ll likely be surprised.
Quit interpreting things without checking them against reality.
Did your partner shoot you daggers with their eyes? Before you let these daggers penetrate your heart, ASK your partner what’s up.
My 6th grade math teacher was the first person to share how when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME (amazing, right?)
When we ASSUME, we often do so according to our primal brain’s negative story that is SUPPOSED to protect us, but often winds up hurting us.
So think twice, and open yourself up to a better reality.
Share with me in the comments below when you woke up to a kinder reality.
Cheers to thriving in business & love,