Business owners, visionaries and entrepreneurs are highly self-sufficient.
Perhaps you can relate.
You get the job done really well, right?
Sometimes it can be hard to rely on others because their standards aren’t up to par.
Listen, I get it.
You know the feeling when you delegate something or ask for help and the person lets you down?
“Why did I even bother?!”
“I’ll take care of it myself” becomes your mantra.
I’ve totally been there, I still go there.
I thought I could do it all on my own, sometimes I foolishly still do.
But I can’t!
And neither can you.
What does this have to do with your vision? What does this have to do with your relationship (since that’s what this site is all about)?
Your love and your work is something meant to be shared
But it’s too big for just you to bring forth.
You need help, not only with the logistics of your work (which you probably understand), but emotionally. You need to be able to rely on someone, several someones if you’re lucky, who has your back, no matter what.
Creating those kinds of relationships takes courage.
“I’ll just love myself,” you might say. “Then I can be guaranteed, I’ll always have love.”
That makes sense. And it’s a beautiful baseline.
But every day I hear more and more about self-love and while I agree self-love is critical for all of us to embrace and not always easy for some of us to arrive at, it is not the beginning nor is it the end of the road.
As both a psychotherapist and entrepreneur who has been immersed in the new science behind love both personally and professionally, and who has been helping high achieving professionals and visionaries with this critical yet often forgotten area in their lives for nearly a decade, I get it.
I get how hard it can be to really go there- to really be vulnerable and open. I get it personally because all I want to do is wall myself off and be self-sufficient at times too. And I get it after being behind the scenes in so many high performers lives as well.
I believe we all have a ways to go with this connection piece, and that includes you, especially if you’re up to big things in the world.
Your vision is too big for self-sufficiency.
You need to deepen your connections to do it justice.
Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman wrote a book a few years ago called Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect, and discusses how our social brain has evolved for our connections to be our superpowers in the world.
We are born completely immature and dependent on others because of the amount of growing our brains have to do once outside of the womb. It’s how we evolved (otherwise, we wouldn’t have fit out).
Today, the weight of entire communities’ emotional support and connection often falls upon the bond between two romantic partners.
Furthermore, there are few – if any – relationships that can offer a deeper connection than your romantic one.
Even though they can be the messiest to deal with…
Even though they can (and will) bring up “baggage”…
Even though you may feel like you will never be able to navigate the rough waters of a romantic relationship or that you’ll never be fully understood by anyone…
You are wired for connection.
And thanks to the work of neuroscientists, psychologists and researchers like Dr. Lieberman, we now have a roadmap to show you the way into and through this once considered mysterious territory called love.
The best news is that it’s more innate than you may even realize.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi
Rumi was right! (Isn’t Rumi always right?)
Your call then is to release your shackles of armor and self-protection which comes disguised as self-sufficiency and dare I say it, self-love, and open yourself up to something much greater.
This is a challenge and you may resist it.
That’s okay – if your past relationships have been anything less than satisfying and perhaps even traumatizing, it makes all the sense in the world that you’d feel safer and more powerful limiting yourself to self-love.
Risking vulnerability and connection is terrifying. It’s not your fault, but this area is often weakest among entrepreneurs and visionaries.
But it’s what’s necessary more than anything else truly for you to be most fulfilled with your work in the world.
Connection is the ingredient that will help ground your powerful visions that much more firmly into reality.
My only question for you is…
Are you ready for it?
I hope so 🙂
To your strongest relationships and realized visions,