Listen up, straight ladies, I’ve got an important message for you:
I can’t promise that’s true in your relationship, but most of the time it is, even if it feels like it isn’t.
(If it’s not true for you, then what are you doing in your relationship?)
If you’re like many women entrepreneurs, you have high standards and you only accept the best for yourself.
You’re tough on yourself, which makes you great at what you do, constantly learning more and pushing yourself to new limits.
You’re tough on everyone around you too, and guess who might get the brunt of it?
Your partner is human and makes mistakes like the rest of us.
Maybe, though, it feels like this:
Your partner keeps screwing up.
He keeps letting you down.
He is completely absent when you need him to do something for you.
And then you worry:
“What about when I will really need him to be there for me?”
Seriously, if he can’t even put his socks away knowing how much it means to you when he does, how can you trust him for the bigger things?
This is where many couples find themselves in a bind.
You might think he doesn’t care about you enough to deliver on the smallest things, much less the big things.
The thing is, though:
He probably cares so much.
And gets stuck.
Has a hard time responding because he feels like no matter what, he is going to be a disappointment to you.
So he freezes.
He keeps screwing up, or stops showing up at all.
Withdraws or shuts down.
You get more disappointed.
You might shut down and pull away, or really give it to him and let him know how frustrated you are.
A terrible cycle unravels and the chances of you connecting go down the toilet.
Keep doing the same thing with each other, you’ll get the same results.
If you find yourself barking at your partner or pulling away in disappointment, try to imagine the possibility that he is messing up not because he’s incapable or inadequate, and not because he doesn’t care about you, but because his own stuff is coming up about making you happy.
Consider the possibility that he so badly wants to make you happy, and as a result of this desperation, manages to screw it up.
What’s really going on inside your man’s mind?
He gets frozen into inaction.
It’s not an excuse, or a good thing, or something you should have to live with, but it is an explanation.
A fresh perspective.
And one that can inform you of different moves to make in your relationship, if you dare.
Start out by finding out something he’s doing right.
(If you can.)
Let him know.
Tell him whatever it was made you happy.
Keep it up for a few weeks.
I know it might not be that simple…but depending on your situation, it just might be!
Once he finally starts feeling like he CAN make you happy, he may just start showing up more and doing so.
If not, and you want some help figuring things out, reach out to me for a consult and we’ll start setting things right.
Cheers to thriving in business & love,
Hi Jenny – great advice. Remembering to comment on something that made you happy is a great idea.
Jenev Caddell says
I am just now seeing this comment a year late! Thank you for your message and so sorry for the 365+ day delay of a response!!!
So going through this right now!!
So focus on what he is doing right? That’s it? Haha
Jenev Caddell says
Hi Kate! Thanks for your comment – it can’t hurt?? Give it a whirl and amp it up a bit, let me know how it goes 🙂
Nice way of saying it! I learn something. I thought it was me wexpecting to much or he doesnt care. I couldn’t thought of him carrying about me or our love.
Jenev Caddell says
Hi Mihaela, thanks so much for your comment. I’m so glad this resonated with you. I appreciate you letting me know!! All my best — Jenev