{"id":11395,"date":"2018-04-05T01:00:25","date_gmt":"2018-04-05T01:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mybestrelationship.com\/?p=11395"},"modified":"2018-04-04T17:15:42","modified_gmt":"2018-04-04T17:15:42","slug":"ashamed-for-wanting-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mybestrelationship.com\/ashamed-for-wanting-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Ashamed For Wanting More"},"content":{"rendered":"

She was drowning in her own emotional soup.<\/span><\/p>\n

Julie looked at John and tried to express her conflicting feelings, her ability to know better how she SHOULD feel, yet her difficulty in feeling that way\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

She tried and wound up with a message that fell flat. <\/span><\/p>\n

He just heard how much he let her down.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Same old story.<\/span><\/p>\n

He had been changing so much to show her that she mattered to him, he had been prioritizing her, he had been really trying.<\/span><\/p>\n

She saw all that.<\/span><\/p>\n

She appreciated it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet she couldn\u2019t shake the feeling of deep disappointment. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, he was listening more, asking about her day, and even took half a day to take the dog to the vet without even bothering her about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

This was great.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Yet she asked him so many times to simply put his socks away, such a simple thing, and when she got home the night before, there they were, in their predictable pile, dirty and smelly, next to their bed crumpled on the floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s such a stupid thing to be so upset about, especially with everything else that he was doing so well.<\/span><\/p>\n

So she tried to stuff it.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it kept happening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Until she lost it on him last night, as she used to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Only this time it was worse because she had bitten her tongue for so long about how she really felt because they were working on things together and he HAD made some changes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t notice the 99 things I do well for you, you just see the 1 thing I don\u2019t do!!\u201d<\/i> fumed John. \u201cI don\u2019t get it, I\u2019ll never be able to make you happy!\u201d<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He then shut down.<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

She felt like crap.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know I shouldn\u2019t feel upset that he doesn\u2019t put his socks away, I know it\u2019s trivial\u2026.\u201d<\/i> she says.<\/span><\/p>\n

Julie fell into the trap that so many of us do:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Trying to outsmart, change or control how we feel.<\/span><\/p>\n

We can\u2019t do that.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our pure emotions are not going to change based on our will; further, they give us important information.<\/strong><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

John not picking up the socks to her after she had asked him countless times felt like a blow not because of the trivial socks, but because this was something so important to her that she made clear a million times. <\/span><\/p>\n

That can translate on a number different levels to:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n