If you’ve been following my blog for anytime now, you have found a few themes run through my posts.
I am so excited to show you how Cookie Monster demonstrates one of these themes, namely, that of mindfulness.
Can you believe Cookie Monster teaches skills for your best relationship?
Mindfulness is the art of being present and aware of your moment to moment experience. Only when we are emotionally present and self-aware can we have fulfilling relationships with our partners.
Cookie Monster describes this as his own ability to “#controlmeself” when he is faced with a tempting bowl of cookies.
When you’re tempted to go with your first impulse in your relationship, and it’s negative, it will probably be beneficial for you to take a step back and practice like Cookie Monster does.
So often we get lost in peripheral layers of our experiences that aren’t really true to who we are, and our partner gets the wrong message about what’s really going on for us.
When what’s really going on is that our partner is more important than we are letting on, we set ourselves up for distance and misunderstanding in our relationships. You may take for granted the fact that your partner means so much to you, and they very well may not know this important piece of information.
If our partner feels far away from us or messes something up, many of us get into our heads and our blood starts to boil. When we immediately feel angry and hostile toward our partner because it feels like they are far away from us, even if they are physically a foot away, it is tempting to lash out at them.
Here’s a tip – do as Cookie Monster does:
Take a minute. Breathe. Wait before you lash out.
First, realize this:
What kind of effect will lashing out at your partner have on how close he wants to be to you? Probably not the desired one. He will try to protect himself from your wrath and back away from you.
From a purely strategic position, getting angry and hostile toward him is going to have the opposite effect than what you want. He will withdraw from you even more.
Second, and this part is more difficult:
Check in with yourself and ask what’s really going on?
Sure, you are angry, frustrated, and exasperated, but underneath all that, is there anything else?
You just want to connect with your partner and when you can’t, yes, it’s maddening, but underneath that is there some fear? Some hurt? Some desperation? Maybe you feel neglected or invisible and question if your partner even cares about you?
If some version of the above resonates with you, you are not alone.
In fact, many people experience these raw, more painful feelings underneath the seemingly “stronger” ones of anger.
The problem is that many people are having these feelings and aren’t aware of them.
And they are then never able to show them to their partner. So their partner sees them as a raging monster, with no idea that they matter to them.
So if you can be like Cookie Monster in the video below, wait, and access your deeper experience, you can be that much closer to your partner.
Of course this means that you actually have to let your partner into that experience too, which can be quite difficult.
Let’s start for now with the basics so at least you can know where you really are.
Be like Cookie Monster in the video below, and cheers to your best relationship,
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