If you’re feeling stuck in business or in love with no idea why, the fear of disconnect is what’s likely holding you back. I’ll explain…
If you’re reading this, you probably desire greater success in your life.
That translates loosely to some of the following, plus or minus a few of the below:
- Stronger relationships across the board, especially with your nearest and dearest.
- Peak physical fitness.
- A healthy lifestyle.
- Financial abundance.
- Freedom of time to do what you want, when you want.
“Yes, please,” said everyone ever.
Here are a few things that may get in the way:
1.) You don’t believe you can
You’re not afraid of hard work, but you’re not quite sure what you need to put in to get the results you want out – AND – on some level, maybe you don’t BELIEVE the work will pay out.
People die miserable in their marriages because they didn’t believe it would be possible to transform them.
Or if there is an ounce of belief things can improve, it can feel safer to cling to the familiar disconnect and misery instead of surrendering yourself to the love and connection a dream relationship would bring because it opens you up to the possibility of losing it.
We go to great lengths to prevent pain, and hold our desires far away as a result.
Married or not, people die miserable every day because they didn’t believe they had any other option. Or maybe they’re striving not to be miserable but in the striving they continue to remember just how miserable they are.
2.) But maybe on some level you do believe the hard work will pay off…
You’re not afraid of the work itself, but the actual results.
You’re afraid of actually receiving what you desire, largely because of what you believe it may cost you.
Ask yourself this:
What’s the worst thing that might happen when you start living your dreams?
When you have a tremendous impact on people with your work in the world?
When you fully own your genius and share it widely?
When you put yourself out there – when you just gave it a shot, consistently?
Here are a few possibilities:
You’ll open yourself up for some serious rejection.
You’ll take the risk of disappointing people.
You’ll be betting on yourself, which might feel like a cocky thing to do, as you’ve always been conservative in that regard.
You’ll be misunderstood by some, misperceived by others and maybe even hated by a few.
There are more, too.
It’s no wonder why so many people hang out in comfort zones and cubicles even when they are miserable.
That fear of rejection and disconnection is real.
Killer. Literally killer.
Because we are wired to connect.
The fear of rejection or abandonment is wired in biologically, because if we were disconnected from our community in the past, we’d DIE.
Today, thanks to evolution and a different span of connection than our prior tribes could offer us, we’re not dead if rejected.
These days, the only thing that theoretical rejection and disconnection kills is our dreams.
But our close connections matter, and we fight hard to preserve them, even if we do it in self-defeating ways.
So now ask yourself this:
If you had massive amounts of success, what would that do to the people in your life you actually know and care about?
Would they still love you if you were truly happy and successful and on fire?
Hopefully, you’ll say yes, but on some level, the fear of leaving behind your limitations may translate to a fear of leaving your loved ones, or maybe worse, having them leave you.
If that resonates at all, know this:
The people who are your tribe, your true significant others, who are meant to stick with you, are going to stick around for any positive transformation or expansion that is underway.
They love you for your essence, not your limits, and they are on a journey of expansion with you to break through those limits into greater possibilities.
The ones who aren’t? Are your teachers. Be grateful to them. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Let them go.
But more than anything –
Recognize those subtle fears of disconnection.
Address them head on. Then, you can see that your desire for “success” however you define it is stronger than your fears of disconnect.
This is especially true when you have real connections in your life that matter.
Then you can move forward, expand, shine, and be the successful person you were born to be.
Losing only your limitations.
To your greatest fulfillment in work, play and love,