Is your partner is an artist, athlete, entrepreneur, career driven professional, workaholic or committed to some kind of hobby, sport or interest? And do you ever find that you resent that activity that’s so close to their heart?
Do you find yourself thinking, guiltily,
Help! I’m having a hard time supporting my partner’s passion!
If so, you’re not alone.
If your partner’s passion is all consuming, as many passions are, you may feel 2nd tier in your relationship. You may feel like you aren’t a priority, and you may find yourself hating that thing your partner seems to care about more than you.
And then you’re in a bind.
You want to support whatever your partner’s up to, but feel like you can’t since you feel like it takes away from your relationship.
You may feel bad about loathing that thing your partner seems to care so much about.
Here’s what to do:
Let your partner know you don’t feel important to them, and that this is pretty crappy for you.
Many people miss the boat here and never let their partners know that they notice they’re gone. As a result, the partner going for a goal of some kind with their work or hobby doesn’t even know that their partner misses them.
And the person missing them starts to get angrier. Resentment builds. And all kinds of bad things may start to happen: contempt, detachment, or even infidelity.
Even though we’re sort of taught the opposite in many cultures, it’s okay to need your partner.
In fact, it’s not okay not to need your partner.
(Well, it’s okay not to need your partner, but not in order to have your best relationship.)
We are more successful and happy when we recognize this need for another and when we feel like it’s met.
It’s hard to get a need met if you don’t even acknowledge it.
It’s up to you to acknowledge your need.
I repeat this to my clients over and over again (and have to remind myself sometimes too):
Your partner cannot read your mind.
If you let them know you miss them and want to support them but need more of them, they’ll hopefully be flattered. And the right partner will figure out a way to let you know how special you are to them.
Click on this recent article, “Love & the Entrepreneur: Tips for Balancing Both Passions,” from Bank of America’s Small Business Community that says a little more about this.
Share this blog post and the article with your partner to give you both some tips about how to manage it all.
Cheers to your best relationship,