More and more women are starting up and rapidly expanding in businesses, up-leveling all around and going through a lot of change in the process.
Despite the thrill of doing great things in business and creating such change, many women are finding that their romantic partners are not supportive.
One of the questions I hear the most is:
What do I do if my husband doesn’t support me in business?
I recorded a video explaining my take on this issue and what you can do about it, which I’ll write about below as well.
I break this down into 2 steps you must take in order to tackle this issue of your man not supporting you.
First: Check in with yourself.
Get clear that you feel confident about your business or reaching your next big goal. It is absolutely critical that you have the faith and the confidence to reach your next goal at close to a 100% level.
If there’s any part of you that doesn’t believe in yourself or your ability to pull off your big dream, that insecurity is all your man will see.
He wants to protect you and make sure you’re safe. If you doubt yourself, that’s the first block right there to reaching your goal.
You need to know that you’ve got this no matter what and own that.
If you’re not getting the support from him that you may need to get you very close to 100% faith and confidence, get the support from a business coach or mastermind partner whose job it is to help you with your business.
Once you’re sure no matter what, you won’t be as rattled by his lack of support, and he’ll probably start to believe in you that much more.
Second: Check in with him.
I know many of you are out there saying, “I’ve got this, I totally believe in myself, he still doesn’t support me,” and that’s why we’ve got step 2 here.
My question for you is: What is his lack of support really about?
Many women answer that question saying, “he feels threatened that I will out earn him.” When I ask them about that, many admit to assuming this and not even checking in with him about it.
I think the *threat* piece for many partners hits home, but let’s really look at this here. What is the threat about? What is he afraid of?
Women answer: “He just wants to be the provider.”
Let’s even take that deeper.
More often than not, the threat isn’t about having to be the partner who makes less money, but no longer being good enough for you.
The fear is that you’ll leave him or no longer need him.
He sees you in love with your business and likely questions on some level if there are any feelings left for him.
A cycle of disconnect has begun: The less he supports you in business, the less you share with him about it, the more resentful you grow, and the more you might throw yourself into your business and avoid your relationship all together.
Does that resonate at all with you?
For many women, when we take it a layer or two deeper, their partners are honestly scared of being abandoned and rejected.
At the end of the day, our primal, most core fears are around abandonment and rejection.
If we are left or rejected by the tribe, we die.
Biologically then, our system goes into primal panic mode when we get even the slightest sense of rejection or abandonment from our partners, since our romantic relationships are really the main “tribe” most of us have in 2014.
Suddenly, if you’re making all kinds of money and stepping into this new level of greatness at the helm of a business you love, he might start to feel inadequate. Now all of a sudden you’re resentful and throwing yourself more into your business (understandably for you and me, since he’s not being supportive), and he’s feeling slight levels of this rejection on a daily basis.
I have worked with countless couples without the added stress of entrepreneurship and rapid personal growth and expansion that comes with it, and this dynamic is all too common.
It is easy for us to forget or underestimate the tremendous impact we have on our partners.
We often assume that we shouldn’t “need” to hear reassurance that we are cared for or adored, but we all need to feel cared for adored, and sometimes just HEARING that can be enormous.
Your wedding vows were meaningful then, but they can be easy to forget in the face of disconnect.
My advice to you is therefore to let him know he’s #1 for you.
I understand that this can be difficult when you are feeling completely unsupported, and are perhaps questioning whether he actually is #1.
If that’s the case, stop tip toeing around this issue of him not being supportive and try to have a real, honest, vulnerable and open dialogue with him about it to find out what it’s really about.
If he’s shut down or you feel like you’re hitting a brick wall with this, get some help.
A skillful relationship coach or couples counselor can do wonders in helping remove the blocks that exist between you two having a heart to heart and will leave you in a better place for you to be able to to this on your own.
You don’t have to choose between thriving in business or in love.
You can have both.
You must first decide to
I’d be happy to speak with you privately for a complimentary consultation to hear more about what’s going on and to let you know how you might be able to change the situation.
You can schedule that here.
Also, make sure to get your spot for a free talk I’m giving next week on How to Be On Fire in Business Without Being Frozen in Love. The call is scheduled for Thursday, 9/25/14, but if you’re reading this post after this date, check in anyway and I might have the replay still up.
What are your thoughts?
Do you agree? Please let me know in the comments below.
Cheers to thriving in business and in love,