Winners in life share one secret to success that I’ve been trying to embrace more in my life too.
Many of them have had to learn this secret after living the hard way and not reaching excellence, or reaching excellence in some areas of their lives and not all.
My professional focus is helping individuals and couples experience their best relationships, but I realize that even in this arena, for people to truly be successful in their relationships, they also need to share this secret.
Thanks to my new mentor Gina DeVee, an amazing success coach who was once a psychotherapist like me, I have learned to start embracing this secret of successful people, which is:
Successful people have support
If you’ve been following my work for some time, you know another one of my mentors is Dr. Sue Johnson, as her creation of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has truly been transformational for my practice, my clients, and so many therapists and couples around the globe.
But I’ve come across something in my work with busy NYC working couples who have done excellent Emotionally Focused Therapy, and who have gone deep with each other in my office. Their emotional connection is stronger and their relationship is better than they ever could have imagined thanks to this work. Yet still, something’s not quite right.
In some ways, they’re still missing each other
They have big lives, but they have no support.
I’m talking about parents who are working full-time and raising their kids with little to no help.
I’m talking about people who have returned to school to pursue a professional life of their dreams, and entrepreneurs who are literally at the mercy of their business 24-7 and are doing it all on their own.
I’m talking about people who have worked hard to create a deeper emotional connection with each other, but can barely enjoy it.
They’re spread out too thin, they do everything themselves, and they lack support.
As a result, they can’t nourish their relationship, and they rely on their weekly times in my office to take care of their relationship.
That’s not cool.
Once they’ve transformed their relationship with each other, their dates should be anywhere but a therapist’s office!
So my wake up call is that I need to help couples get in touch with their true desires, their priorities, and help them call in the necessary support they need.
This isn’t pure Emotionally Focused Therapy, but I realize it’s crucial, because people sometimes need a kick in the pants to do what’s good for them.
(I know I do!)
So, I’m working on this too in my life, and taking baby steps with it, as you should too.
You can’t and you shouldn’t do it all yourself
Unless you want to be burned out and unhappy.
Asking for help is hard. Trusting that someone can actually take care of what you need taking care of can be even harder. But it’s crucial for you to live your biggest life, and for you to have your best relationship.
Do you identify with anything I’ve written?
Do you feel like if you had a little help and weren’t doing everything yourself, you might enjoy a better relationship with your partner?
Keep your priorities straight
Your relationship should be at the top of your list.
Send the laundry out this week and see how it feels.
I’m curious…please let me know what you think, and how you can take one small step to add some support to your life if it’s lacking.
Cheers to your best relationship,
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