I relayed last week on video that I am not a big Valentine’s Day person. I’m not romantic, have mixed feelings about commercialism and honestly am not even one for tradition.
So, you saw no 10-Day Romance challenge or anything like that from me last week.
Of course I love LOVE and think it’s the best thing we have going for us, and am beyond grateful to be surrounded by it, to have an incredible partner and family, as they ARE my world, my universe, and I love adventuring with them, growing with them, doing life with them.
I stand by what I’ve been saying all along:
To be stronger in business, grow stronger in love.
BUT…As an entrepreneur, wife, mother, shrink, friend, coach, explorer, adventurer and undercover creator, what I sometimes most desire? Is to be alone.
Sometimes I want to be ISOLATED so that I can create stuff. So I can EXPLORE stuff. So I can LEARN and stretch my own limits WITHOUT having to connect to someone (sometimes quite literally, if she is 1).
This is a huge confession because it spits in the face of everything I’ve been sharing.
Because what I’ve been preaching?
Is all about connection.
Is how ISOLATION is the most LETHAL thing there is for humans.
It’s been well researched:
Loneliness is worse for you than smoking or obesity.
And when you think about THE WORST punishment for prisoners?
With kids pawing at me nonstop and the noise of emails and being online and all the rest, how can I be craving what is so lethal?
The answer is moderation, my friends…
But you and I both know that moderation is no fun.
We like to play in the extremes.
Thankfully, I know better.
While a part of me could easily go on a creative binge for days where I disappear from the world and maybe forget to eat or speak with another soul, that is not what my life is about, because I consciously created it differently.
A relationship expert who couldn’t take care of her own would be pretty “off brand” (yet they are a dime a dozen).
Thank GOD nearly a decade ago, as a newly minted licensed NY psychologist, I got thrown into an upscale private practice and sat before couples, trying to help them with their relationship drama.
When I first sat there with a couple breathing fire at each other, RAGING with the most volatile of life and death emotions, I started to literally shut down not knowing what to do or how to help them. I exited stage left. Even though my body was left in the room.
THIS WAS NOT GOING TO WORK.
For the first time in my life, I felt SO far off my game. This was SO far from the simplicity of empathizing or diagnosing or EVEN administering and interpreting a Rorschach, or anything else I had been trained to do.
So I spent years getting the best training on how to work with emotions and how to help couples…learning and training with THE BEST most cutting edge relationship experts on the globe. I dove into experiential trainings and learned to stay with MY OWN experiences of emotional frailty and uncertainty and actually shared them with other humans as part of the process.
Thank GOD for my endless quest to understand, to not be defeated by the difficulty of working with two humans so desperately wanting to connect all the while repelling each other, because without it, I may have missed the memo:
That we NEED connection as a safe base, and ONLY FROM THERE can we freely explore the world.
Learning how to engender hope and facilitate change among broken hearts, betrayals and bad romances has undoubtedly helped me with my own relationship “stuff” and emotional process, and has helped me be honest with myself too, today…
Admitting what was within me all along.
Which is that my true desires are really more about exploration. Learning, growing, moving from one thing to another, and ultimately, helping creators and creatives out of their own way and more into their own truth.
Because your truth? Will set you free.
When you tap into that and peel away the layers of crap and emotional investments, you will reveal your core self. Your pure, miraculous, genius self.
What have YOU known all along that maybe you’re not admitting?
I’ve been preaching about connections, and they do a body good, but if I’m being honest, sometimes I just want to be alone.
To create, to explore, to go within, to have a bigger impact OUTSIDE of my family, and thankfully, I have discovered how to do this without ruining my life INSIDE my family. Selfishly going after those desires so that I can create and experience even MORE love, fun and happiness within my family.
This is MY truth, and it is setting me free.
Cheers to thriving in business and love,