If you, your message or your personal work is your business, everything you need to strike gold is within.
You’ve been preparing for this time all your life. You’ll continue to learn and grow and get educated, but who you are has always been who you’ll be and no number of degrees, certifications, licenses or trainings can undo that or alter that.
Learn another modality to improve upon your work? Fantastic.
If you get stuck in a particular area of your business or in your work, get more education and training to get unstuck? Perfect.
BUT, who you ARE always comes first.
I didn’t realize that before setting out to get my doctorate in psychology.
I not only wanted to know all there was about psychology and human potential but I thought I had to go through that kind of training to BE who I desired to be.
Sure, tons of training and education and experience helped me become a “psychologist,” but that is still a professional layer. While it enabled me to do some incredible work and gave me wisdom and experience I wouldn’t have otherwise had, at the end of the day, it’s not who I am.
While I can understand someone and their “symptoms” through that lens and it is extremely helpful, if I lived in that land of diagnosing and distancing, I wouldn’t be nearly as effective or helpful in the work that I do (unless I was purely doing assessments, which I’m not).
One of my first and most influential professors had us all sit down in our first “Principles of Psychotherapy” class with our feet on the floor, open, curious, as if we were listening to a good friend who was in some kind of a bad place. Not judging, just present and available, with care.
“When you get stuck,” he said, “go back to that.”
Something that was totally natural.
No understanding of the Rorschach or whatever version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV at the time, I think) could trump that simple presence, openness, curiosity, non-judgment and – dare I say it – love.
I’m still accepting that about how I show up in the world and in my business.
Like you, I’m hungry for more skill. For another modality. For a deeper understanding. For the answers.
Like you, however, I’ve got what I need, right here, right now.
And the parallels between this and striking gold in love are too good not to share.
Napoleon Hill, in his famous book Think and Grow Rich, discusses the story of an uncle of R.U. Darby and his quest for gold during the gold rush. He couldn’t find the gold, and stopped digging when he was just 3 feet away.
The message here is to never accept temporary defeat – don’t stop when you’re 3 feet from gold.
In love, I can tell you for certain, that those 3 feet that keep you from you and your gold are the defenses, walls, self-protection and erroneous messages that you’ve picked up over the years. Some of these walls have SERVED you in the past and may be why some of you are even ALIVE today, but to truly thrive in love as an adult, they no longer are needed.
Here’s one erroneous message I want you to dismiss right away:
That you should be totally fine on your own.
I’m not urging here that everyone jumps into a co-dependent relationship for the sake of being in one, but I am urging you to connect to others and get some social support whether INSIDE or outside of a romantic relationship.
We need connection urgently now more than ever, minimally, to help us stay out of our crazy heads and in reality. And, to create the strongest foundation from which we can explore and change the world.
I had a phone call with an amazing woman the other day who was spiraling into a rabbit hole of self-loathing. Me doing what my first psychology professor advised was enough to help her feel human and worthy again.
I don’t know if I even said anything. But I was there.
I was told that it was extraordinarily helpful.
The message that we can go it alone is wrong. We aren’t built that way.
When we finally accept that and recognize that’s not only OKAY to feel intense negative emotions when a relationship is not working out, but that IT IS OUR BUILT IN SURVIVAL SYSTEM that is causing us to feel that way, and we are HEALTHIER for it…?
We can finally start to tend to the wound instead of burying it further into the ground, adding brick upon brick to the 3+ feet of wall.
The treasure lies beyond the wall.
The gold lies within you.
NOT by being someone who you’re not. NOT by stuffing your experience. NOT by saying to yourself, “I should just get over it,” when something inside you is not budging.
Trust yourself, please.
Connect to yourself.
Your gold is within. It’s what your partner needs from you; it’s what the world needs from you.
Strip away that crap to tap into your TRUE experience, and when you do, let that gold shine. Share it with your partner; share it with the world.
That’s not a simple, perfect, once and done solution of course, please also recognize the frustrating reality that your partner is likely a few feet from their gold as well, so your truth may not initially resonate.
But don’t give up sharing it.
I guess together you may be 6 feet from gold, more or less.
But when you strike gold together?
Or you let your inner gold shine outward into the world?
You become YOU, the person your partner fell in love, and the beacon the world fell in love with the second you landed here.
Cheers to thriving in business and love,
P.S. — Sometimes we need help connecting to our own truth, to our greatest version of ourselves, beneath the layers of programming, lies, and limitations that we’ve been swallowing.
As much as I’d love to do surgery on myself, I know it doesn’t work, which is why I’ve always surrounded myself with mentors and coaches who I can learn from and who can help me see my own blind spots and limiting programming.
Are you ready to strike gold? In love or life? Let’s set up a call to see if I can help you find it. Email mewith the subject line “Let’s schedule a call.”