Let’s talk Secrets in your relationship.
There are big secrets and there are little secrets.
Obvious secrets and not so obvious ones.
Good secrets – like that gift you’re hiding for your honey – and not so good secrets. I’m all for the good ones, but let’s talk about the others.
Sometimes, the big ones are easier to handle than the little ones.
Let’s take infidelity, for example.
Not easy, but something you can’t NOT pay attention to.
Infidelity is often a crisis point in a relationship that will cause it to either END or become renewed and restored.
Like a diagnosis of cancer that causes someone to quit eating sugar and clean up their diet, infidelity may be a turning point for many relationships that are headed south.
What about the more subtle secrets?
Those are trickier, especially if you don’t even recognize them yourself.
Shame is a surefire feeling that will render you silent and will keep your secrets hidden even from yourself.
To come out on the other side of shame, you need a hand. Someone who can connect with you DESPITE the shame, who can reach into your world persistently and not go away on you even when you try to disappear.
This is because the worst part of shame is that it breaks the interpersonal bridge between people. It disconnects. It severs us from each other, and from ourselves.
And the more and more alone you are with your shame and your buried secrets, the more alone you’ll get.
This clearly doesn’t work in your relationship.
It doesn’t work in ANY area of your life (especially your business!)
And as long as you are disconnected from your secrets, locked in a holding pattern by shame, you’ll be unfulfilled and discontent.
How do you know if you’re storing secrets in your relationship that you’re not even aware of?
You get real honest with yourself.
You put any shame on the shelf (with the elf) and unhook it from yourself for a moment, if you can, and allow yourself to experience whatever it is that you experience without your pesky judgement and self-doubt.
Having someone to help you with this process is ideal. But short of that…
Ask yourself this:
Are you feeling lightness, freedom and joy?
Are you feeling excited about your life?
Do you genuinely support your partner, and want to?
Do you feel like you can go to your partner for support?
Do you feel an emotional connection that you know will be there for you when you need it most?
If you answered “no” to any of the above…
Ask yourself- what secret are you hiding.
That you are not totally lit up in love?
That you have doubts about your relationship?
That you’re worried your outgrowing your relationship?
Start being honest with yourself, pour out your heart in a journal, ask yourself “if I had everything I wanted in my life – if I felt truly amazing, lit up and joyful in love, what would that look like?” and let your mind wander freely.
Your relationship needs your dreams.
Your partner, someone who was once your dream come true, needs those dreams as well.
As long as you’re not being honest with yourself, you’re holding BOTH of you back.
You’re not doing anyone any favors by protecting them from your truth.
You’re actually causing more damage than anything else.
I know it takes a great deal of risk.
Your Truth may not be what you want it to be.
Your Truth may not be what your partner wants.
But dig deep and grab it, express it with love, and then you’ll feel the freedom that you’ve been dreaming of.
In ALL cases, your Truth will serve your relationship, even if it results in your relationship no longer existing.
We have to be willing to let go of the things we think we most desire in order for us to truly appreciate them.
Same goes for your relationship.
Take the risky path.
Explore your secrets.
Get some help if you can.
Your soul will thank you for it.
And your relationship will as well.